I am a ‘90s baby and I am looking forward to turning 30

I did not think I would ever say that

For the longest time, 30 felt heavy. Like a line I had to cross with everything already figured out. But now that it is only a year away, it feels different. It feels quieter. More grounded. Not like a deadline, but like a moment I have been slowly growing into, step by step, choice by choice.

30 Feels Like Stepping Into Something I Have Been Building

When I was younger, I thought 30 meant certainty. A stable career, a clear path, a life that made sense from the outside. I used to look at people in their 30s and assume they had it all together.

But where I come from, life was never that linear.

I learned early on that stability is something you build. It does not just appear. Learning was never just about gaining knowledge. It was about creating possibilities. About opening doors that were not always visible.

And I think that stayed with me.

Because now, as I am about to enter my 30s, I do not feel like I need to have everything figured out. I feel like I understand what I am building. I feel more certain about the questions I want to spend my life answering.

That is why I am looking forward to pursuing a PhD in Health Services and Policy Research. Not because I need another milestone, but because it feels like the natural next step. The questions I have been carrying about health systems, about policy, about why things do not always work the way they are supposed to, have been with me for a long time. I want to go deeper into them, and more importantly, I want to do something meaningful with them.

Growth, in All Its Forms

If I look back at my 20s, it was not just movement. It was intentional.

Every decision I made came from somewhere. From curiosity, from a desire to understand more, from wanting to build something that mattered. Even when things were uncertain, they were never random. They were part of how I learned, how I grew, and how I found my direction.

And now, I do not feel like I am starting over. I feel like I am continuing something that has already been built with care.

In my 30s, I am looking forward to growth that feels more grounded. Personal growth, where I understand myself more clearly. Emotional growth, where I respond to life with more awareness. And financial growth too, because I want to build a life that feels stable and sustainable.

I used to think I had to rush. Now I understand that building something meaningful takes time. And I am okay with that.

Love That Feels Like Something We Choose

I am also looking forward to a relationship that feels steady.

Not something uncertain, not something I have to constantly question, but something that feels like a partnership. A meaningful relationship with my significant other where we grow together, support each other, and choose each other, not just once, but continuously.

In my 20s, I was learning what love is. Through experiences, through mistakes, through moments that did not always make sense.

In my 30s, I want to be more intentional about it. I want something that feels calm, grounded, and real. Something that feels like home.

A Sense of Responsibility That Feels Clearer

More than anything, I am looking forward to continuing my work in public health in Indonesia, but with more clarity.

Where I come from, learning was never just personal. It was always connected to something bigger. To family, to community, to the idea that if you are given the opportunity to learn, you carry a responsibility to do something with it. I have carried that with me in the work that I do. In research, in policy, in programs that try to make systems work better for people.

But I know I want to go further.

In my 30s, I want to be more intentional about the kind of impact I am making. To not just contribute, but to help shape conversations, to generate evidence that matters, and to advocate for changes that actually reach people. And for the first time, that does not feel overwhelming. It feels like something I am ready for.

Looking Ahead

Turning 30 does not feel heavy anymore.

It feels earned.

It feels like stepping into a version of myself that I have been building all along. Through intention, through learning, through choices that did not always make sense at the time, but led me here.

So here is to turning 30.

To growth that is steady and intentional.

To love that feels like home.

To work that carries meaning beyond myself.

And to continuing a journey that was never just mine to begin with.